Gotta get up and try.

I'm writing this post on a disappointing, frustrating, and sad day.

I knew that the first few weeks of school would be a huge struggle trying to balance my IU life and my health life. But I didn't anticipate the level to which I would fall. Skipping workouts, having far too many "little treats", and snacking mindlessly throughout the day. I weighed myself this morning and almost burst into tears. I've gained back almost half of what I originally lost. And what I originally lost wasn't even that much. 12 pounds is not that noticeable to begin with. Let alone, whatever I'm at now.

It just sucks. It sucks so much to think back on my unwavering determination throughout the summer. Diligently counting calories, forcing myself to workout even when I didn't feel like it, and having a positive and hopeful attitude. I did so well and I felt so good. And now I just feel weighted down, literally and figuratively. I've been bogged down these past two weeks about my mountainous piles of homework, the pressure to join resume-building extracurriculars, the exhaustion that comes with my crazy sleep schedule and millions of classes I'm taking...It's just ridiculously overwhelming. I haven't been able to get myself to workout. I haven't prevented myself from eating poorly. Because I don't have the energy and my will power is gradually diminishing into nothing.

I wrote on my white board: Today is the day I recommit myself. Little things add up. Lose that weight.

And I read it and thought, yeah, I'll try. But I just feel so hopeless. There's too much to worry about and my health is falling to the back of that list.

Here's the plan:

• 1300 calories a day, absolutely no excuses or slip-ups.
• No unhealthy snacks, ever. 
• Workout 6 days a week. Even if it's just 20 minutes.
• Plan meals and workouts diligently, and FOLLOW THROUGH.

I really hope I can do this, you guys. I don't know how I can feel good about myself unless I somehow do. The goal, which I made at the end of the summer, is still to lose 10 pounds this semester. But after this gain, it's now basically to lose 15. That number seems so huge and impossible. And I am just terrified because I don't know how I'm going to do it. It's only the second week of school and I'm swamped. It's only going to get worse.

I can't even have a positive attitude right now. It's just time to go into drill sergeant mode and force myself to power through this semester. I'll need all the support I can get. So, please, remind me if you see me, I need to be healthy more than I need anything else.
-Ellen